I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Actions speak louder than pants.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
