You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
