My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
