I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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