I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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