Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My bed smells like the plague
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
