dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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