You just made me feel so damn special
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
