It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize