You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
