Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
smell my finger.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The uberlube is also flammable
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Randomize
