If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
