if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
its not stalking. its research.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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