Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize