My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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