you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
