We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
