I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
