I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
