good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
