I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
No stitches, just platelets and will power
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
