sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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