So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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