last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
