Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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