she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
