You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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