I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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