if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
