ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
