So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
