Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
