mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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