I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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