Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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