Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
