at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
