hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
