pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
