I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
