Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
