She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
