I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
