If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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