one two three fourrrrnication!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
