Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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