It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
