I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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