her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
