My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
