My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize