so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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