I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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