you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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