that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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