at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Bring me that man meat
Randomize
