I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
