I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
