i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
