I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
