I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
