pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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