All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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