it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
