I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
