Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
