Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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