I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
