You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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