Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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