i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
