haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Randomize
